Rolling On Turds – Buddy System Ep4

Previously on Buddy System: Rhett has a ding-off
with George. You ding, I ding. They finally find out
who has Link’s phone. -Hi. I’m Aimee Brells.
-Because she… Hacked Good Mythical Morning. Introducing the DrainWeaver. Turns out revenge
is in the mix. -We both dated her in
high school. -At the same time. Back when Link
said things like… So dope. -And…
-Linky-poo out! And Rhett looked like Eminem
with a perm. I’m dumping you, and so is Link. Now it’s getting real. -We’re gonna lose subscribers.
-But the guys decide to… Go on with our lives,
business as usual. Based on some potato analogy. I’m betting that she’s
gonna pull her hand… -Out of the potatoes.
-Enjoy. ANNOUNCER: They say that
children are one of life’s -greatest blessings…
-Ah, man. …but they can also be… Aimee uploaded another
commercial for the channel. Really? Why let your kids take out their complex emotions
on your valuables when they can direct
their violence towards… the Sacripet? The revolutionary new
stuffed animal designed to receive the brunt
of your child’s aggression. Complete with lifelike,
easily pulled off limbs. A pop-off head with realistic attached spine. And, for those exceptionally
angry moments, -the Sacripet is now
100% disembowelable. -Whoa! Leave your child alone
knowing that they’ll leave the things
you care about alone. Hi. I’m Aimee Brells,
president of BrellLyfe and the proud inventor
of the Sacripet. Give your child the gift
of violently destroying an animal that doesn’t
feel a thing. Call 1-844-90-BRELL to order… So she’s still not pulling
her hand out of the potatoes. -Not yet. -By the way,
I love that analogy. The good news is, I don’t think
anybody’s unsubscribing. -So, you think we should
just wait it out? -Yeah. We still got the whole weekend. I say we wait… and skate. Oh, crap. Dude, remember, we Rollerblade
during the waning moon; we roller-skate
during the waxing moon. No, I can’t remember that. That’s why I have a phone. Had a phone. (buzzing) (sighs) All right, we’re set. Now, Ninja, back up. (beeping) Can you make that butt light
beep louder? -Of course.
-Butt light beep… beep butt… butt…
booty butt… booty beep… -Booty Backer!
-(clattering) Hey! Watch the awards! ♪ ♪ (grunts) Okay.
We’re entering gang territory. -We can’t be seen together.
-Right. Bladers and skaters do not mix. Okay, we gotta maintain
a safe distance. On my signal. Caw! Caw! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ Fresh blades, homeslice. Uh… thanks. -Got ’em at a yard sale.
-Word. -Where’s that?
-Um… somebody’s yard. Right place, right time. Yeah. You seem pretty legit, man. You roll solo? Uh… yeah, I’m…
I’m totally alone. I’m just Rollerblading with me. Uh, definitely keeping away
from roller-skaters. -(others murmuring)
-Hey, hey, quiet, quiet! We do not use that word
around here. -Okay.
-You are talking about turd-rollers. -Turd-rollers?
-Yeah. Their wheels
look like little turds. Is that what your turds
look like? Yeah.
Like perfect little circles… every time. (blows) Come here. (Link mutters) WOMAN:
Hey, brother. I dig the wheels. Oh. Thanks. They were my dad’s. Trippy. -May he rest in peace.
-Oh, he… he’s not dead;
he just doesn’t skate anymore. -(others murmuring)
-What? I gotta tell you something. Around here,
we don’t talk that way, okay? We got a motto.
Show him, Pearl. RHETT: “Keep roller-skating
even if you’re old.” -Catchy. -So, are you a little
bitch like your old man? I mean, he was in an accident.
He’s got, like, herniated discs. How many fruit-booters
have you killed? -Excuse me?
-You know… roller-turders. -Roller-turders?
-You know, the douche bags
that have all their wheels in a straight line,
like a line of little turds. Uh, I haven’t killed anybody. He’s a little bitch. (laughter) Yeah. Maybe he is. But now that his father’s dead, I bet he needs a new family
to call his own. Uh, again, my dad’s not dead,
and you guys seem like a great group,
but I have absolutely no intention
of being part of a gang. I pledge my undying loyalty
to this particular chapter of the Greater Worldwide
Skating Syndicate Local Number 104-932. I pledge my undying loyalty
to this particular chapter of the Greater Worldwide
Blading Syndicate Local Number 9… 913-857. RHETT:
And from this chalice, I drink the blood
of fallen skaters and, in their honor, promise to stand only on wheels arranged in a rectangular
pattern. (gagging) Number 913… 857. Eight… (chanting in foreign language) -(sizzling)
-(Rhett groaning) …five? Seven. ALL:
Mazel tov! (cheering) Se… -Ven. Ven. All right.
-…ven. Uh, congratulations, Link. What about all
the other stuff… No, no, no, no, no.
He is good. And welcome, Link! -Yeah!
-Yeah, all right. It’s like we’re a family now. You know?
Like brother and sister. Well, I mean, like orphan
brother and sister. Actually…
You know what? -You’re right.
-(cell phone chimes) Um… can you give me a minute? One minute. WOMAN: What up, everyone?
It’s your girl, SuperWoman. I feel the need to comment
on the fact that Rhett and Link are turning
Good Mythical Morning into a shopping network. Rhett and Link
have hit a new low. They’re just simply
uploading commercials to their
Good Mythical Morning channel. They have allowed
their GMM channel to get taken over by BrellLyfe. And I’m all for sponsorships,
but it’s just lazy and obscene. If this is the trend
that’s happening on YouTube, I’m not gonna jump
on that bandwagon. I was nearly killed
by breathing too close to the BrellLyfe
Cinnamon Dusted Basketball. Please send them a message,
along with me, by going over to their channel
and unsubscribing. Rhett and Link have crossed over
to the Dark Side. You should be ashamed
of yourselves. (sighs) Hey, it was great getting
to know all you guys, uh, but I had a little
something come up and really need
to get going, so… I will catch you
on the flip side. No, no, no, no, no.
Wait a minute. You got one last step
to your initiation here. And what’s that? You gotta challenge
a roller-turder to a roller fight. Roller fight? You know,
maybe you can show us where these yard sales are so we can
score some sweet kicks. Oh, well, I-I pretty much
just follow the signs. Wow. You are very intuitive. Whoa, whoa. Well, what do we have here? If it isn’t a herd
of turd-rollers. Dylan. Rhonda. You look just as stupid
and overprotected as ever. DYLAN:
What brings you out today? They stop playing hokeypokey
at the rink? Why don’t you go smack a ball into someone’s net
with your little stick? And why don’t you go
skate uphill ’cause it’s hard? Why don’t you
go hit a patch of grass and momentarily lose
your balance? That happened one time.
Whatever, Rhonda. -“Whatever.”
-Whatever, Rhonda. -No. Whatever.
-What? Hey. Whatevs. -Oh, oh, oh… -What do you
want, huh? Why are you here. If you must know,
I have a rookie who needs to challenge someone
to a roller fight. Well, isn’t that convenient? ‘Cause I’ve got a rookie who is definitely up
for that challenge. Come here. It’s me, Link. I know that. Listen. YouTubers are trashing us. We’re losing subscribers. We gotta do something. First, we gotta fight. We gotta make it look real. -Come on, fight!
-(others cheering) -DYLAN: Let’s go! Come on!
-(chanting): Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! All right, come on, Link! Come on! Let me see blood! (cheering, shouting) (Link making punching sounds) (Rhett making punching sounds) (grunting, punching sounds) (rapid grunting) Guys. We can all see you’re just making punching noises
with your mouths. ♪ How did we get ourselves ♪ ♪ Into this situation? ♪ ♪ Pedally divided ♪ ♪ Over wheel orientation ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ You look like you stepped
in the glue ♪ ♪ And then stepped
on some toddler’s skateboard ♪ ♪ But at least
you’re not a toddler ♪ ♪ ‘Cause they annoy me
a lot more ♪ ♪ And you look like
a rejected extra ♪ ♪ From that movie
Battlefield Earth ♪ ♪ But at least you’re not
a Scientologist ♪ ♪ ‘Cause, man,
they are the worst ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ Sure, there are some ♪ ♪ Differences
between you and me ♪ ♪ You’re not as cool as me ♪ ♪ But we share something
that makes us unique ♪ ♪ We got wheels ♪ ♪ That makes us better ♪ ♪ Why judge each other ♪ ♪ When we can judge
everybody else together? ♪ ♪ We’ve got wheels ♪ ♪ That’s how we roll ♪ ♪ And everyone else ♪ ♪ Is a butthole ♪ ♪ People without wheels
are buttholes ♪ ♪ We shouldn’t waste our lives ♪ ♪ Living as
roller-discriminators ♪ ♪ When I think
we can both agree ♪ ♪ That we absolutely
hate ice-skaters ♪ ♪ Look at them
with their frilly clothes ♪ ♪ And their skates
that will not roll ♪ ♪ We should herd ’em
into ice-skating camps ♪ ♪ And never let them go ♪ ♪ Sure, compared to me,
you are inferior ♪ ♪ But compared to the rest
of the world ♪ ♪ We are superior ♪ ♪ We got wheels ♪ ♪ That makes us better ♪ ♪ Why judge each other ♪ ♪ When we can judge
everybody else together? ♪ ♪ We’ve got wheels ♪ ♪ That’s how we roll ♪ ♪ And everyone else
is a butthole ♪ ♪ People without wheels
are buttholes ♪ ♪ People without wheels
are buttholes. ♪ I’m sorry, Rhonda. Me, too. I guess,
when you boil it down, we’re all just
rolling on turds. (chuckles softly)
You said it. Yes! Okay, bring it in, everybody. Come on! -(cheering)
-Everybody. (indistinct chatter) Let’s go. ♪ People without wheels
are buttholes. ♪ (whooping, laughing) Little sell-out bitches. Did they brand you? -What?
-Never mind. Hey, I… I don’t think
we can ignore Aimee anymore. Yeah. She is not gonna pull
her hand out of our potatoes. Can we drop the whole
potatoes thing? I think we’ve kind of run it
to the ground. Yeah, you’re right. Let’s just call her. But we don’t have her number. She has your phone. And we should call it. (ringtone playing) Hello, Rhett. -Hello, Aimee.
-(beeping) -Can you turn that down!
-(beeping stops) So good to hear from you. What do you want from us, Aimee? AIMEE:
Ooh. So direct. (chuckles) No small talk. No “How have
you been all these years?” -Oh, uh, how have you been?
-Oh, hey, Link! I’m good! Hey, you seeing anybody? I’ve seen Trent. He’s a gynecologist now. Makes sense. Seriously, Aimee,
what do you want? What I would really like is for the two of you guys
to come meet me at my office so we can discuss it in person. Fine. When? Tonight. At midnight. -(groans)
-Midnight? I mean, unless that’s too late
for you guys. -Yeah, that is pretty late.
-It’s definitely late for me. -Traffic will be light.
-Parking won’t be an issue. But it’s gonna mess up
our eating schedule. Might have to eat
a second dinner. We could eat pancakes. Midnight, here! Make it happen! She hung up. They’re coming. Maybe we should get waffles. Well, most places
that serve pancakes also serve waffles. We should just make a decision
when we get there. I don’t eat at those places. Th-They gotta make a decision. You don’t eat at places
that make waffles and pancakes? Waffles and pancakes
are made out of the same thing. It’s just that the shape
is different. Well, I… yeah, exactly. Name one place
that doesn’t have waffles that has pancakes. Right now–
I’ll give you five seconds. -Five, four, three…
-I’m just saying, -two, one…
-name a restaurant where they can make a decision.

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