– The haters always say, Tina, curling is not a real
sport and every time I have the
same response. You’re not a real sport.
(laughs) (rhythmic music) I was the top ranked curler
in the USA. – This figure skating sucks! – [Tina] So yeah it was a lot
of pressure. – You’re about as graceful
as a moose’s miscarriage. You don’t deserve to
wear skates. – Mom we don’t wear skates.
We wear curling shoes. – I’ll kill you for no reason
at all. I made her a champion
the only way I knew how. Picked an easy sport and rode her ass hard. (alternative music) (laughs) – What is that? – It’s a girl. (Tina yelling) – [Jim] What is she doing? – [Shawn] Curling? – [Jim] Tina was scary
but in a hot kind of way. Like is a clown had good boobs. That’s what made me want her. The boobs. – [Tina] Everything was perfect. I was in the Olympics
and I had a boyfriend that only hated me
most of the time. – I want to hurt someone
for you and Tina. – Okay, don’t do that but
do what ever you want. – That’s what I want to do. I want to hurt someone for
you and Tina, on your behalf. – Yeah exactly that but
don’t do that. But yeah, do that. Ka-pish? – It’s actually salami.
I’ll give you a bite. – Leave me alone.
Get out of here! (birds chirping) (knocking) – We’re with the FBI. – Ya, me too. – There’s just one thing
that I want to know sweetie. Why do you sweep the ice? – You really don’t know
what I do? – No one does! – Quack, quack, quack. – What can you tell us
about Tonya Harding? – You don’t want to took
about Tina? – The curling girl? No, I’m
sorry. Do I look boring? – [Tina] America, they
want a sport to love and that’s basketball but they also want a sport
to hate and that’s cricket. – It’s so boring! – Get out Jim! But, come on they also
need a sport to Google once every four years and
then forget immediately. And yeah, I can freaking
crush that. (poop splatters and bird chirps)