Articles Blog

Brewstew – Couple Skate

Brewstew – Couple Skate


Alright, when I was in fourth grade,
I had a crush on this chick This chick was pretty popular,
she was WAY out of my league This shitty drawing doesn’t really do it justice So I’m just gonna use
a picture of Topanga from Boy Meets World *Pop*
Yeah, that’s better Now, in fourth grade,
if you’re one of the cool kids, which I wasn’t You went to the skating rink on Friday nights And the skating ring
was like a night club for fourth-graders You get your skate on You play some pinball Snort some coke in the bathroom, whatever Now, this chick went to the skating rink
every Friday night So I knew if I was gonna swoon her,
I better get my ass out there, whether I got coke or not I figured I’ll show up Do a sweet Evel Knievel backflip on the skates We’ll do a couple skate, and then
we’ll get married next weekend, simple as that But there’s only one problem,
my ass doesn’t know how to skate “You don’t know how to skate?” “No, David, I don’t!” “Do you know how to shut the fuck up
and let me live my life? How hard can it be?” That’s what I said
[That’s what he said!] Probably with the biggest shit eating grin,
I could muster I mean, I could do sweet bunny hops
on my Razor scooter for Christ’s sake! I’m practially in the X Games So David’s mom drops us off one Friday evening I’m wearing my sweet silk shirt with flames on it Because I wanted to look dangerous yet appealing I show up, I don’t even have rollerblades I just show up there
with nothing but my hopes and dreams So I had to go and rent rollerblades
But they didn’t have rollerblades to rent They only have rollerskates,
and not just rollerskates Ugly-ass brown 1970’s disco skates Shit my mom wore back in the day “Ah, what the hell is this shit?!” “You got anything back there
with sweet flames on it or something?” I put these damn things on,
and I can hardly even stand up on them Feels like I’m wearing
two fuckin’ banana peels on my feet Standing on the side of the rink, and I’m like,
“Okay, it’s a little harder than I anticipated” “Maybe I should’ve practiced a little bit beforehand” “At least have David Napoleon Dynamite me
around on his bike the night before or somethin’ ” So I look across the rink, and there’s Topanga,
hanging out with her girl friends “Alright, no fuckin’ way I’m skating our there,
I will die!” “I will die if I go out there” “Think I’ll just hang back
by the pinball machines, put out the vibe” Nope, too late. David pushes me out there,
right in the middle of the chaos I panic. My body starts to react
by trying to run on the skates that are on my feet Which is a pretty stupid fuckin’ thing
to do on rollerskates I end up falling, right on my pelvis David’s over there shitting his pants Topanga sees the whole thing,
she’s not even laughing She’s just got this disgusted look on her face Like she just let loose of wet fart So I stand up, clutching my side,
like I got shot by a rifle I’m shaking, I got Bambi Legs, for Christ’s sake I start to shuffle my feet back and forth
and slowly scoot across the floor That’s pretty accurate on what I look like,
it’s not just because I’m a shitty animator That’s what I was doing, I skated
like I had scoliosis and both my legs were broken I’m in the middle of the goddamn rink I’m scanning the room,
looking for a lifeguard or some shit But it turns out they don’t have lifeguards
at skating rinks, because that’s fuckin’ stupid! I finally scuttle my ass to the side And I’m thinking, “Well,
I guess I’ll just be single for the rest of my life” “Be like one of my dad’s friends..” “Go buy a station wagon
and start drinking Natural Light” When all of a sudden they dim the lights They start playing that song
All My Life by K-Ci and JoJo *baby-baby-baby-baby-baby-babeeeee* *Doo-doo-doo-dooo-dooo-dooooo* *Doo-Doooooo* “Ah, shit, here comes a couple skate,
I know my chance is gone” “Since I just fucking fell on my face,
like a cartoon character” But then wouldn’t you know it,
somebody skates up from behind me And they grab my hand,
and guess who it was… Not fucking Topanga, that’s who She’s off couple skating with Brandon,
who’s way cooler than I am Dude’s got like an earring in his ear,
and like a.. Nelly band-aid on his face How am I supposed to compete with that?! No, it’s this other chick in my class, Terrica And she’s like 8 feet taller than me She drags me out on the floor She’s holding my hand
the way a father holds his infant son’s hand And I’m like, “Woah, woah, wait a minute!
You don’t wanna do this, I skate like FDR!” “You don’t wanna do this at all!” And she just drags me out there anyways And we’re flying!
We’re zooming through everybody! My skates aren’t even touching the ground We look like the Advance to St. Charles Place
chance card in Monopoly My friends are watching from a distance As the skyscraper of girl
Napoleon Dynamites me around the skating rink *Singing*
[Aaaaaaaaall mmmmmmmmyyyy liiiiiife] “OH MY GOD!” *Keeps singing* The song ends, we get back She, like, spanks my ass
and is like, “Good show!” “Stay gold, Ponyboy!”
And just skates off My friends are sitting there, making fun of me
for the circus act that they just watched out there I don’t even care,
’cause who did they couple skate with? Nobody.
I couple skated! I mean, look at me, I’m wearing this stupid
flame shirt with my disco skates, for Christ’s sake I’m lucky people are even
in the same building as me So here’s to you, Terrica, Thanks for dragging me around that bitch Making me look like a prince And Topanga, well,
you can kiss my ass, how about that? https://www.brewstew.com/ Special thanks to: [These wonderful people]
& All the other patrons! https://patreon.com/brewstew https://facebook.com/brewstewcom https://twitter.com/brewstewfilms https://patreon.com/brewstew

100 thoughts on “Brewstew – Couple Skate”

  1. I have a crush on rebecca at school and she hates me and she loves Baxter but Baxter is my best friend but I try 2 act cool when I see her but she likes baxter

  2. You’re lucky I fell and got smacked with roller skates and then I was destroyed my noise was turning into a iron noise or something .-. It hurt

  3. I’m gonna give you some dating advice you Have( and I cannot stress this enough) to look DANGEROUS yet appealing.

  4. I was in high school working at a rink and could hardly skate either. The FDR shuffle on bambi legs is so true.

  5. He said STAY GOLD PONYBOY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    ( the outsiders is one of my favorite book and movie and when Johnny died and said stay gold ponyboy I cried so I’m kinda sad now). Good reference

  6. Don't worry. Topanga gained 200 lbs has 4 kids by 3 different dudes and still with that douche bag with the earings. They now live in a doublewide trailer at a trailer park.

  7. Make a video about your cousin make a video about your cousin make a video about your cousin make a video about your cousin make a video about your cousin

  8. I was so unprepared to hear that FDR comment, but I was crying when you mentioned advance to St. Charles Place hahaha 😂😂😂💯

  9. Omg I can see that flame shirt perfectly in my head inanimated. Did every male child from the 90s-'00s ever wear that? 🤦‍♀️

  10. Oh man, "late skate" was totally a thing back on the 90s. Spent almost every Friday night there with my friends when we were like 13 and 14.

  11. Learning to skate is like learning to walk, u keep trying, fall down and get up over and over again till u get used to it, then when u get used to it u start doing crazy tricks.

  12. Holy shit bro he lives in my area, he fuckin put ohio skate as the skateing rink name and he lives in ohio and ive went to ohio skate 1000 times lol

  13. My cupol scate was with a girl named star and she was hot like my ex went to my house and next ting you no she srips because my mom had a drop poll and I fuck her on the ass and I tack all of her close and we have sex and smack that ass

  14. I'm in 4th grade, and this is cool, is really popular boys have asked all out, and I tried to, but didn't really go, well, I'm way out of league so yeah

  15. Me and Brewstew live in the same town, I've been to the skating rank he's been to, and I know a lot of locations he mentions in his videos because I've seen them and been to them.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *